Blog
The Father He Watches
Why Your Son Is Studying Every Man in the Room
There’s a boy in every classroom, every dugout, every youth group who is doing something the adults around him don’t realize. He’s watching. Not the way kids watch TV or watch a game. He’s watching the way a student watches a master. He’s studying. Every man who enters his orbit—his coach, his teacher, his uncle, his friend’s dad, the guy behind the counter at the hardware store—is being evaluated for a role he didn’t audition for. Can I trust this one? Is this one safe? Is this what a man is supposed to be? He’s doing this because the man who was supposed to answer those questions—his father—either isn’t there, or answered them wrong. (more…)
What Thirty Years of Working with Angry Boys Has Taught Me
When Everything Changed
The first boy who changed everything was fourteen. Big for his age. Referred for “behavioral problems”—which is clinical shorthand for “nobody knows what to do with him.” He’d been expelled from two schools. His mother was exhausted. His stepfather didn’t want him in the house. Every adult in his life had the same diagnosis: this kid is the problem. I sat across from him in our first session and asked a question I’d later learn to ask every boy who walked through my door: “Tell me about your dad.” He stared at the floor for thirty seconds. Then he looked up and said, “Which one?” That was 1996. I’ve been asking that question ever since. (more…)
Forgiveness Without Reconciliation
It’s the question that stops every man in his tracks.
I’ve heard it hundreds of times—in therapy sessions, in men’s groups, in quiet conversations after workshops. The words change, but the question doesn’t: Does healing mean I have to let my father back in and forgive him? The answer is no.
And that “no” is one of the most freeing things a wounded son will ever hear. (more…)
The Five Father Wounds—Which One Is Your Son Carrying?
Something is wrong with your son, and you can’t name it.
He’s angry all the time-or he’s disappeared into his room and won’t come out. His grades have collapsed. He’s in trouble at school. Maybe he’s said something that scared you. You’ve tried everything-talking, consequences, therapy, backing off, pushing harder. Nothing sticks. (more…)
Cleaning Up Unfinished Business!
Parents this one’s for you! This blog is dedicated to those of us who need to “clean up” that unfinished business that keeps us from being the best mother, father, husband, wife, friend, brother, or sister we can be! (more…)
Introducing-Adult Quest!
This past year has been a doozy! It has touched each one of us; some positive lessons learned and some, not so much. Adults had to completely upend their life and their family’s life. Some grew closer and some did not. (more…)
Founder of The Quest Project®-Dr. Clay
Choosing a counselor and/or a program for your son is an important step. Both parent and son need to establish a connection with the therapist. It is essential to the work; so, take your time and be confident in your selection process. (more…)
Life is What YOU Make It
Born the eldest of three to Russell and Doris Lessor, I grew up in a small south city neighborhood in St. Louis. On the outside we looked like a typical happy lower middle-class family, on the inside it was a nightmare of alcoholism and abuse. I didn’t grow up privileged, I grew up making a decision to survive and be a better man than my father.
Life Gave Me Lemons
My story is one laced with beatings, drunkenness, divorce and abandonment. I will spare the details to get to the most important thing, the decision to take control of my destiny!
For me, the opportunity to get “away” presented itself when I turned 18 and graduated high school (barely). My best friend and I joined the United States Air Force. The military was easy for me; it offered structure and organization that replaced a life of chaos, I welcomed and excelled in my new environment!
Finally, I could make my own decisions, choices and mistakes! I COULD be a Doctor if I wanted to, even though my dad told me “I wasn’t smart enough.”
I Made Lemonade
Turns out once free of the abuse and chaos I discovered just how smart I am as my education and publications reflect:
- Completed my Bachelor of Artsin Psychology in 1994.
- Earned a Master of Arts in Counseling; Thesis topic: “The Effect of Initiation and Mentoring on Adolescent Boys” (Lessor, C., 1998) in 1998.
- Became a Licensed Professional Counselor in 1999.
- Published in peer-reviewed journal “Role of Deceased Mentors in the Ongoing Lives of Protégés,” Omega: Journal of Death and Dying (Lessor, C., & Marwit, S., 2000).
- Published “Saving Our Sons”-A Parent’s Guide to Preparing Boys For Success 2016.
- Graduated Doctor of Philosophy in Education with the Distinguished Graduate Award in 2017. Dissertation title: “Difference of a Counselor Facilitated Adolescent Boys Group on Behavior” (Lessor, 2017).
- Published “Generation of Men”-How to raise your son to be a healthy man among men 2019.
I am a proud patriot and retired USAF Captain, with multiple military awards and recognitions.
A member of the White House Council on Men and Boys steering committee since 2019.
Living My Mission
To Create Healthy Lifestyles by Teaching, Facilitating, Research, Writing, and Example
Over 20 years ago I opened my private counseling practice in St. Louis. I developed and began facilitating a highly successful program called The Quest Project®. Since that time I have facilitated 2000+ male adolescents on a Modern-Day Rite of Passage™ to grow, heal and become responsible young men. I’m good at it; I know how to quickly uncover and get to the wound an adolescent boy carries. And I know firsthand just how important it is for a young man to get his life back!
You can find an abundance of knowledge, insight and parenting tips in my weekly blog publications on The Quest Project website. And…this year I will launch The Quest Project Online in order to reach male adolescents everywhere struggling to become the men they want to be.
Providing balance to this incredible life I lead through service; I founded a not for profit called Charity Patch in 2013. Charity Patch is an urban garden providing over 2000lbs. fresh produce annually to local food pantries. There is no greater reward than giving back and helping those less fortunate!
Proud to say this is MY life and how I live it!
COVID-19 Precautions
For over 25 years it has been my pleasure providing mental health wellness and guidance to my clients. Over the recent weeks we are all faced with challenges, the ability to be flexible and change.
My first priority is to ensure the health and safety of my client. With the potential spread of COVID-19 (Coronavirus) I have made decisions that will temporarily affect how I currently provide therapy services. (more…)
A Year in Review!
Greetings and Happy Holidays to you all! The Quest Project® is a labor of love, this year was filled with accomplishments and growth. With your continued dedication and support, together we will help our boys grow into healthy, happy young men.
A Year in Review
The year started with the publication of “Generation of Men-How to raise your son to be a healthy man among men.” It’s a fathers guide to raising sons and the important role he plays in his son’s life. To date over 500 books are in the hands of dads that need help and continues to be very popular. (more…)
