Blog
Giving Your Son Permission to Cry
Has anyone ever said to you “maybe you just need a good cry?” In the therapy field we call those “cleansing tears!” Bottom line is it’s okay to cry; and frankly, it can be very good for you especially when you’re grieving. And guess what, kids feel grief and need to grieve too!
The Grief Recovery Institute Definition
“Grief is the normal and natural emotional reaction to loss or change of any kind. Of itself, grief is neither a pathological condition nor a personality disorder. Grief is the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.”
Help Your Son Replace Anger With Joy!
If I had a dollar for every time a parent said to me “my son is so angry” I’d be rich!
Anger-It’s a Part of Life
I was raised by a very angry father (he raged). The issue for me in my life wasn’t that he was angry, it was how he handled the anger. And so, for a kid who was the brunt of someone’s anger this may sound odd. Anger is not a bad emotion, it is one of “The Big 4” (mad, sad, glad and afraid). It is what you do with the anger that makes all the difference. (more…)
The Father-Son Relationship
Every now and then in my program, The Quest Project, a boy will say something that makes what I do the best job in the world!
Likely if you read my newsletters you know I talk a lot about the Industrial Revolution and how it drastically changed families. Particularly the relationships between father and son. (more…)
The Quest Project®Getting a New Look!
Rebranding a company is a massive undertaking! In fact, it tests patience, resolve and frankly pushes every emotional button. It’s change; it’s important change!
So, get ready as I get prepare to roll out a whole new look for The Quest Project® and a whole new look for my next book. (more…)
Who Is Dr. Clay?
As a facilitator of The Quest Project®, I am in the “trenches” with the boys that come to see me, I’m good at it! I know how to quickly uncover and get to the wound an adolescent boy carries. Since 2000 I have facilitated 2000+ adolescent boys in their growth, healing and quest to becoming a responsible man!
No Time to Waste
I’ve learned over the years the importance of “getting to it” when dealing with adolescent boys. I don’t waste time skirting the issue. I don’t fantasize “time” will take care of it! When a parent brings their son to me, the need is immediate! (more…)
Women’s Quest-A Weekend Workshop
Over the past year I have discovered The Quest Project® is as meaningful to men and women as it is to adolescent boys. Imagine a group of six women ages 20 yrs.-64 yrs. of age coming together over a weekend to work through issues they feel have prevented them from being the women they want to be!
The Women’s Quest Weekend Workshop
Are you ready for the opportunity to reconnect with the part of you that intuitively knows what is right? To own your Gift and develop your Life Mission? Women’s Quest Weekend Workshop offers a series of guided imageries & experiential activities, focused group exercises, and healing. Each process has been carefully designed to help women find and access their inner strength to support themselves in their daily lives. (more…)
Ninth of 9 Reasons ALL Boys Need A Rite-of-Passage
I detailed relationships and the value system last week. For the ninth and final reason ALL boys need a rite-of-passage, I dedicate the entire blog to life mission. It’s a very important step; in my experience most of the young men I facilitate in The Quest Project® have not considered or thought about their life mission.
I get it! As a young man I grew up in an abusive house with an alcoholic father, the only time dad asked me what I wanted to be, and do, with my life when I was 11 years old I said, “I want to be a doctor” he said “forget it that’ll never happen, you’re not smart enough!” We never discussed it again. I guess I proved him wrong; I WOULD in fact become a doctor! (more…)
Seven and 8 of 9 Reasons ALL Boys Need a Rite-of-Passage
In last week’s blog I covered “the gift” and “empathy.” One of my favorite moments when I’m working with young men is the moment they “lay claim” to their “gift!” The sense of empowerment allows them to embrace life and be more confident. It sets a perfect stage to move on to 7 & 8 (relationships and a value system) of the 9 reasons all boys need a modern-day rite-of-passage.
Relationships
7.) Young men are curious about relationships and what it means to be in a relationship. To love and be in-love with someone, and the difference between the two.
Obviously the first step in this conversation is to be sure it’s age appropriate. The younger boys age 11-13 are still not sure they want any part of a relationship, and that’s okay. Be assured they are looking, watching and observing from every angle (home, T.V., social media and YouTube)! (more…)
Five and 6 of 9 Reasons ALL Boys Need a Rite-of-Passage
This week a couple of my favorites! The Gift and Empathy; both are so important to raising a happy, healthy and responsible young man.
Golden Gift
5.) We all have a gift, it’s what makes us unique and different; your son needs to know what gifts he was born with. He needs to know his Golden Gift.
Many times, I see young men that are depressed, insecure, and frankly unsure of “who” they really are. They feel no matter what they do it isn’t good enough. They are constantly trying to live up to a parent(s) expectations by being what their parent(s) wants them to be.
Ask yourself, are you that parent? (more…)
Three and 4 of 9 Reasons ALL Boys Need a Rite-of-Passage
Last week I expanded on what it means when a boy begins to transition to a man and the importance of goal setting. This week I give more detail on both anger and conflict. During adolescence a boy begins to self regulate anger and he learns how to resolve conflict. Teaching, guidance and support is critical.
Anger-One of the “Big 4”
3.) He’s angry. Anger is a common emotion (mostly due to the hormone testosterone which can cause aggression) for boys 11-18 years of age. Feeling angry isn’t a bad thing, it’s how he’s taught to release it that makes the difference. Simply telling a boy “don’t be angry” is not effective or an option; “don’t be” messages indicate he’s broken.
