How can a parent not be worried sick to send their kid off to school; a place trusted for years to keep children safe.
We send our prayers and condolences to the families in Florida that lost loved ones. I’m reminded of this saying:
“Bad things happen to good people.”
Help with the Grief
In times like this I feel compelled to provide a couple of resources that quickly come to mind. Grief is a process, and these may help:
- “On Grief & Grieving-Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss” -Elizabeth Kubler Ross
- “When Bad Things Happen To Good People”-Harold S. Kushner
- Grief support group; every community offers grief support groups, check with your local church or “google it!”
Sharing a testimonial that is both validating and inspiring for me in the work that I do in The Quest Project®.
Saying Thank You
After a recent The Quest Project graduation, I received a very special Thank You note from a parent. Here’s what they said:
“Dr. Clay, We wanted to say THANK YOU for guiding our family back on track! Our son has a better grasp on who he is and what his future looks like. We have made it through this program by taking a hard look at where we failed him and dropped the ball. I feel failure is only lessons learned and then comes freedom to change what doesn’t work. And I’m looking forward to watching this son of mine grow up into being whatever dreams he has for himself.”
A recent conversation with Stephen Hurley of VoicEd radio in Canada. Stephen is doing good work bringing important educational topics into the homes of many!
Click here to hear our conversation.
Changing the Way You Talk About Education
Watch for “Saving Our Sons for Dads-A Fathers Guide to Raising Good Men,” due out early 2018! Be sure and stay connected for updates and pre-order opportunities!
The sound of laughter is sweet; we all love to hear a baby giggle, kids and adults laughing! It makes us smile just hearing it. But what happens when your son’s sad or mad?
No Laughing Matter
I talk and write a lot about feelings, “The Big 4”-mad, sad, glad and afraid, more importantly about how to honor those feelings. My focus here is when your son (or anyone) is feeling sad or mad the reaction typically is to stop the feeling! Think about it, what do you typically hear if you’re sad or mad? “Don’t cry!” “Everything’s okay, don’t be sad!” “It’s nothing to be mad about!” (more…)
I’ve never been one to do New Year Resolutions, but I do take time to “reflect” on the goals I set for each new year to measure my accomplishments!
Here they are for 2017!
Starting from the Top
Let’s start with The Quest Project®, after all it’s the #1 program in my practice.
- I facilitated 62 adolescent boys on a 10-week modern-day-rite-of-passage, known as The Quest Project in my office.
- I facilitated 60 adolescent boys at a local public school for ten-weeks. The “School” Quest Project included two groups of ten boys each from the sixth, seventh and eighth grades respectively. This was a first for me, and the results were off the charts successful!
- I held an inaugural The Quest Project for Men! For 10-weeks 6 men committed to working through the same processes the boys do; and the results were fantastic. This will be a new offering in 2018 and going forward.
- I began training a protégé to expand The Quest Project here and reach more boys. As well, developing “train-the-trainer” materials so that we can offer The Quest Project nationwide in 2018!
As seen on KTVI Fox 2 Morning Show! Thanks Randi Naughton and John Pertzborn for the warm welcome!
Bullying happens everywhere from the playground to the classroom, to the workplace. So how do we handle workplace bullies? Click on the link below for my advice.
Hope you enjoy this interview with Tom Roten of The Tom Roten Morning Show on WVHU! Tom’s a good man and I appreciate him helping me to spread the word!
Get ready for “Saving Our Sons for Dads-A Fathers Guide to Raising Good Men.” We’re working hard to get it wrapped up and in your hands early 2018!
If you followed my series of “steps” to take when dealing with an adolescent son who is in trouble you learned step by step what to do. What is sometimes missed is that The Quest Project® isn’t just for troubled or at-risk boys.
Helping Build Character With Every Boy
The Quest Project is designed to help ALL ADOLESCENT BOYS! The program teaches every boy how to become a healthy young man by providing direction. It also teaches character building; here are some examples: (more…)
Happy to be featured in a recent Thriveworks article!
1) Educate yourself on stages of adolescent development.
“Early adolescents (ages 12-14), middle adolescents (ages 15-17), and late adolescents (ages 18-20) all have different needs from their caregivers based on where they are at developmentally,” explains Sandi Lindgren, clinical social worker, therapist, and professional life coach. “Developmental differences include: physical, social/emotional, cognitive/thinking/learning, and morals/values. However, there are some common needs: a safe place to live, plenty of sleep, and parents or guardians who love them regardless of their behavior.” Lindgren goes on to offer a few additional tips for managing rebellious teens: “limit screen time for younger teens; show interest in them, their ideas, opinions, dreams; engage teens in conversations about choices, relationships, and future plans; and provide opportunities for them to explore their own point of view through conversation without judgment.”
2) Know that ‘one size does not fit all.’
Teen therapist Jaynay Johnson says that it’s important to remember one size does not fit all when it comes to disciplining teens. “Since every family and teen is different, different interventions can be applied for optimal results. For some teens, they need structure to thrive. Other teens may need more freedom to exercise their ability to show responsibility.” Additionally, she says that the following three tips are helpful in raising your teens: “1. Consider what your parents did that you liked or didn’t like when raising you and adjust accordingly; 2. Ask your teenager what they need from you. Again, all teens are not made equally, not even equal to you. Just because that method may be helpful to you, it may not be for your teen; and 3. Get positive reinforcement. In the event that you are struggling with your teen, try connecting them with a mentoring program, teen group, or therapist. This will also teach them the benefit of seeking outside support when it is needed.”
3) Employ natural consequences.
According to Dr. Clayton Lessor, Licensed Professional Counselor, “the best way to deal with teenage rebellion is (employing) natural consequences. If natural consequences are established, it eliminates the parent or guardian from having to ‘step in’ or ‘crack down,’ Employing natural consequences puts the choice in the teen’s hands!” Dr. Clayton explains the notion of natural consequences in greater detail: “Natural consequences are when something automatically happens because of something else happening (like a sunburn when you choose not to wear sunscreen). Start by sitting down with your teen and lay down the rules of the house. Tell them, ‘these are the rules. If you follow these rules, you get to do what you want, within reason.’ This puts them in control of outcomes. They’ll reach a point where they’re tempted to step the wrong way and suddenly remember, ‘oops, I should have made a right instead of a left, now I have consequences for that.’”
4) Understand that teens make mistakes.
Former teacher and school counselor and current ADHD coach, Brendan Mahan, says that it’s important you remember that kids are bound to make mistakes. Instead of holding them to unrealistic expectations, you should focus on helping them make better decisions: “Teens are supposed to push for more independence. That’s where they’re headed, after all. The tighter you hold the leash, the less comfortable and capable they’ll be when they’re inevitably on their own. In teenage years, you want to steer them toward healthy choices and away from unhealthy ones. But understand that they’re going to make a bad call every now and then. When they do, manage it with trust, empathy, and problem-solving so that they have the skills needed to make a better choice next time.”
What’s better than “Saving Our Sons-A Parent’s Guide to Preparing Boys for Success?” It’s writing my second book “Saving Our Sons for Dads-A Fathers Guide to Raising Good Men!”
It was exactly 2 years ago I was finalizing the first SOS. I knew back then that it was extremely important that I get to work on the second SOS. Now here it is almost 2018 and I am happy to say we are on track to launch “Saving Our Sons for Dads” early next year. (more…)