It’s a good time to talk about “aggressiveness, assertiveness and aggressive behavior!” My recent blog on healthy masculinity was to caution getting caught up in the recent frenzy that masculinity was the “cause” for bad behavior.
Masculinity and guns don’t go hand in hand; masculinity and irrational behavior don’t either! But what do you do when your son displays aggressiveness and/or aggressive violent behavior?
Identify the Behavior
I want to focus here on aggressiveness and aggressive violent behavior.
Hopefully, you will never be in a position where you need to consider calling the police or mental health authorities to help you help your son. Unfortunately, in this age of opioid abuse, school shootings and other crises affecting our youth, the topic of “When to Get Help and How” needs to be addressed. You must learn to recognize the signs that your child has become a danger to himself or others and know what to do next. (more…)
Masculinity continues to be debated in the media as “bad” and “toxic” I’m motivated to bring some alarming facts to your attention.
Perp’s in Sheep’s Clothing
If you’re watching the news you are hearing weekly sometimes daily of arrests of female teachers, female coaches perpetrating adolescent boys. It’s becoming epidemic, CBS news reports there are more than 800 documented cases. This is what’s happening behind the scenes while society is trying to figure out “how to” teach boys to be less masculine!
Any time an adult male or female perpetrates a child it’s abuse and is not okay, but less attention is given to the boys. Sadly I’ve witnessed this firsthand. My client, a 30-yr. old adult male, going through a divorce as a result of infidelity shared a burden he carried since the age of 16. He had been seduced by an older woman and tragically his father was “quietly/secretively” proud of him. He carried the wound for years, until he met me and dealt with his pain. (more…)
We’re hearing a lot these days about masculinity and boys. Most of what’s being said I disagree with!
Masculinity is being attacked as a problem, a bad thing, that it’s toxic. As a facilitator, researcher and male I find this disturbing! Masculinity isn’t why a boy would walk into a school and begin shooting. Masculinity is what makes a male a man; just as femininity makes a female a woman!
Masculinity is by definition:
A set of attributes, behaviors, and roles associated with boys and men. Words like virility, manliness, maleness, machismo, vigor, strength, ruggedness, robustness and testosterone are often associated.
Are we trying to change the male?
Have we thought this through?
Men and boys are being unfairly lumped into a general category labeled “bad.” (more…)
It was a tragic sight on the T.V. screen. Another school shooting; this time 17 innocent lives taken.
When will it stop? Not until change happens!
The Tom Roten Morning Show
The link below will take you to my recent interview with Tom. Why this was a “perfect storm.”
Change doesn’t happen if nothing changes. There are many opinions when something tragic happens. Mine is that we start by acknowledging boys are in trouble and need our help. If you have a son, make sure you’re communicating and spending time together. Make sure he’s spending 3-5 hours minimum with a healthy male example (preferably that’s dad) weekly. That’s a good place to start!
How can a parent not be worried sick to send their kid off to school; a place trusted for years to keep children safe.
We send our prayers and condolences to the families in Florida that lost loved ones. I’m reminded of this saying:
“Bad things happen to good people.”
Help with the Grief
In times like this I feel compelled to provide a couple of resources that quickly come to mind. Grief is a process, and these may help:
- “On Grief & Grieving-Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss” -Elizabeth Kubler Ross
- “When Bad Things Happen To Good People”-Harold S. Kushner
- Grief support group; every community offers grief support groups, check with your local church or “google it!”
Sharing a testimonial that is both validating and inspiring for me in the work that I do in The Quest Project®.
Saying Thank You
After a recent The Quest Project graduation, I received a very special Thank You note from a parent. Here’s what they said:
“Dr. Clay, We wanted to say THANK YOU for guiding our family back on track! Our son has a better grasp on who he is and what his future looks like. We have made it through this program by taking a hard look at where we failed him and dropped the ball. I feel failure is only lessons learned and then comes freedom to change what doesn’t work. And I’m looking forward to watching this son of mine grow up into being whatever dreams he has for himself.”
A recent conversation with Stephen Hurley of VoicEd radio in Canada. Stephen is doing good work bringing important educational topics into the homes of many!
Click here to hear our conversation.
Changing the Way You Talk About Education
Watch for “Saving Our Sons for Dads-A Fathers Guide to Raising Good Men,” due out early 2018! Be sure and stay connected for updates and pre-order opportunities!
The sound of laughter is sweet; we all love to hear a baby giggle, kids and adults laughing! It makes us smile just hearing it. But what happens when your son’s sad or mad?
No Laughing Matter
I talk and write a lot about feelings, “The Big 4”-mad, sad, glad and afraid, more importantly about how to honor those feelings. My focus here is when your son (or anyone) is feeling sad or mad the reaction typically is to stop the feeling! Think about it, what do you typically hear if you’re sad or mad? “Don’t cry!” “Everything’s okay, don’t be sad!” “It’s nothing to be mad about!” (more…)
I’ve never been one to do New Year Resolutions, but I do take time to “reflect” on the goals I set for each new year to measure my accomplishments!
Here they are for 2017!
Starting from the Top
Let’s start with The Quest Project®, after all it’s the #1 program in my practice.
- I facilitated 62 adolescent boys on a 10-week modern-day-rite-of-passage, known as The Quest Project in my office.
- I facilitated 60 adolescent boys at a local public school for ten-weeks. The “School” Quest Project included two groups of ten boys each from the sixth, seventh and eighth grades respectively. This was a first for me, and the results were off the charts successful!
- I held an inaugural The Quest Project for Men! For 10-weeks 6 men committed to working through the same processes the boys do; and the results were fantastic. This will be a new offering in 2018 and going forward.
- I began training a protégé to expand The Quest Project here and reach more boys. As well, developing “train-the-trainer” materials so that we can offer The Quest Project nationwide in 2018!
As seen on KTVI Fox 2 Morning Show! Thanks Randi Naughton and John Pertzborn for the warm welcome!
Bullying happens everywhere from the playground to the classroom, to the workplace. So how do we handle workplace bullies? Click on the link below for my advice.