You’ve heard the proverb by Benjamin Franklin, “honesty is the best policy” many times I’m sure. This is a reminder, that means to be honest with your kids too!
Better Off Not Knowing
I think parents convince themselves (at times) that not being completely honest with their children is a way to protect them. In some cases, I can understand but overall being honest is “the best policy,” and always age appropriate.
Obviously when you’re dealing with your kids it’s important the truth is delivered in an age appropriate style and manor. When parents make the decision to withhold a truth because they “think” its best, it can and does (most of the time) come back to haunt them. (more…)
Over the past 3 weeks I’ve laid out the steps to take if you suspect trouble with your adolescent son. Unfortunately, when the first three steps (boundaries & limits, counseling and intensive outpatient) have failed it’s time to move to the final step.
The Final Step=Intensive Inpatient
If you’ve reached this step with your adolescent son it’s now a matter of safety for you, your family and your son. This is the most drastic yet necessary step if behavior is out of control.
Intensive inpatient programs are designed to stabilize, regulate and bring out-of-control situations under control. Here are some examples. (more…)
Last week in Step #2 I gave some examples of when to seek counseling if you suspect your adolescent son is in trouble. You have tried setting boundaries & limits with him from Step #1, and you’ve enlisted the help of a licensed professional counselor; it didn’t work either.
Now it’s time for Step #3.
Step #3=Intensive Outpatient
If you find yourself at wit’s end, nothing has worked, it’s time to get your son in an intensive outpatient program. It isn’t as scary as it sounds, and more importantly if you want to save your son from continuing down the wrong path, this step is crucial. (more…)
Last week in Step #1 we covered the importance of setting healthy boundaries & limits in conjunction with natural consequences. Many times, parents can avoid trouble with their adolescent son by starting there.
When that doesn’t work, move to Step #2:
Step #2=Seek Counseling
Many boys don’t know how to deal with the pain that comes with adolescence; they don’t think it’s a big deal to party or rebel against the rules. If you suspect your adolescent son is experimenting with drugs and/or alcohol for relief, it’s time to seek counseling. A counselor can assess if a more extensive treatment program is necessary. (more…)
I’ve blogged about “signs your adolescent son could be in trouble.” Over the next few weeks I’ll dig into the steps and stages of escalation with a goal of you, the parent, nipping it in the bud!
Step #1=Boundaries & Limits
This is the first step that must be implemented in your adolescent son’s life. His most important need other than food, water, clothing and shelter falls in this first step.
As a parent we tend to want to make it comfortable and easy for our children. We “want them to have it better than we did!” The reality is all those boundaries and limits our parents put on us were a good thing.
Let’s look at some examples: (more…)
Every year in October there is a focus on domestic violence. I listen to stories of survival, most of the time women with children, and their horrific experiences. I wonder why we only hear about these stories in October?
Frightened Little Boy
I grew up in the “South City,” if you’re from St. Louis you know exactly where that is. If you’re not from St. Louis, the South City is a suburban neighborhood near the famous Anheuser Bush Brewery, everybody knows that name! Other than the brewery there wasn’t anything special about my neighborhood, in fact, most of my memories are of a frightened little boy who grew up working hard to forgive my parents for the abuse that was in my home year-round. (more…)
Are you divorced or going through a divorce? If children are involved be careful not to put them in the middle. I’m certain you’ve heard that before! Based on my experience the kids wind up in the middle most every time. It’s a sad place for them to be.
Parent alienation syndrome, or PAS is a “campaign of denigration” with no justification against one parent by the other using the child. The alienating parent indoctrinates the child with untrue and unjustified criticism and complaints against the other parent. In many cases this continues for years!
PAS typically rears its ugly head during a divorce. If it’s a bitter divorce, and most of the time they are, one parent may attempt to turn the child/children against the other parent. Unfortunately, the parent feels justified; most of the time it’s a way to “get back” at the other parent. (more…)
Your adolescent son shouldn’t feel shame. Sadly he most likely does. How does this happen and why would he feel shame?
In a recent interview I was asked this question “why are boys in trouble?” One of many reasons is they carry shame. The interviewer was shocked and went on to ask, “How can a young boy feel shame about something that wasn’t/isn’t his fault?” It was a profound moment for him (the interviewer) which leads me to believe that you may not realize your son is, or could be, feeling shame.
First, so that I’m clear, he shouldn’t ever have to feel shame over things he has no control over. He does have control over his bad behavior so that’s an exception! (more…)
Do you get excuses from your son on why his homework and/or his chores didn’t get done? I have some suggestions that may help.
“Just a Minute!”
My guess is you hear “I will, just a minute” a lot! Based on my experience with the boys I see, homework and chores are not his priority, video games and texting with friends are. Parent’s repeatedly say, “I’ve tried everything” and are at their wits end. We know doing homework is not an option; and having chores teaches responsibility so here’s my suggestions.
Natural consequences! Yes, I’m saying it again, establish natural consequences!
If he doesn’t follow the rules you have established, then his choice leads to a natural consequence you have determined in advance. It also means you have talked about it and been very clear “if you don’t do this, you’re choosing not to get what you want.” Remember, you’re encouraging good behavior and discouraging bad behavior. This method can be, and should be, used for any challenging behavior you are trying to change. (more…)
It was an honor to be a guest on The McGraw Show! I want to share the interview with all of you.
KTRS “The Big 550”
McGraw Millhaven and Kelly Jackson, both Emmy nominated journalists, are some of St. Louis finest radio personalities. I was honored to be invited to talk about “Saving Our Sons-A Parent’s Guide to Preparing Boys for Success” and The Quest Project®! I hope you enjoy!
I appreciate your support as I continue to spread this very important message. Our boys are in trouble and need our help, now!