Blog
Who Is Dr. Clay?
As a facilitator of The Quest Project®, I am in the “trenches” with the boys that come to see me, I’m good at it! I know how to quickly uncover and get to the wound an adolescent boy carries. Since 2000 I have facilitated 2000+ adolescent boys in their growth, healing and quest to becoming a responsible man!
No Time to Waste
I’ve learned over the years the importance of “getting to it” when dealing with adolescent boys. I don’t waste time skirting the issue. I don’t fantasize “time” will take care of it! When a parent brings their son to me, the need is immediate! (more…)
Women’s Quest-A Weekend Workshop
Over the past year I have discovered The Quest Project® is as meaningful to men and women as it is to adolescent boys. Imagine a group of six women ages 20 yrs.-64 yrs. of age coming together over a weekend to work through issues they feel have prevented them from being the women they want to be!
The Women’s Quest Weekend Workshop
Are you ready for the opportunity to reconnect with the part of you that intuitively knows what is right? To own your Gift and develop your Life Mission? Women’s Quest Weekend Workshop offers a series of guided imageries & experiential activities, focused group exercises, and healing. Each process has been carefully designed to help women find and access their inner strength to support themselves in their daily lives. (more…)
Ninth of 9 Reasons ALL Boys Need A Rite-of-Passage
I detailed relationships and the value system last week. For the ninth and final reason ALL boys need a rite-of-passage, I dedicate the entire blog to life mission. It’s a very important step; in my experience most of the young men I facilitate in The Quest Project® have not considered or thought about their life mission.
I get it! As a young man I grew up in an abusive house with an alcoholic father, the only time dad asked me what I wanted to be, and do, with my life when I was 11 years old I said, “I want to be a doctor” he said “forget it that’ll never happen, you’re not smart enough!” We never discussed it again. I guess I proved him wrong; I WOULD in fact become a doctor! (more…)
Seven and 8 of 9 Reasons ALL Boys Need a Rite-of-Passage
In last week’s blog I covered “the gift” and “empathy.” One of my favorite moments when I’m working with young men is the moment they “lay claim” to their “gift!” The sense of empowerment allows them to embrace life and be more confident. It sets a perfect stage to move on to 7 & 8 (relationships and a value system) of the 9 reasons all boys need a modern-day rite-of-passage.
Relationships
7.) Young men are curious about relationships and what it means to be in a relationship. To love and be in-love with someone, and the difference between the two.
Obviously the first step in this conversation is to be sure it’s age appropriate. The younger boys age 11-13 are still not sure they want any part of a relationship, and that’s okay. Be assured they are looking, watching and observing from every angle (home, T.V., social media and YouTube)! (more…)
Five and 6 of 9 Reasons ALL Boys Need a Rite-of-Passage
This week a couple of my favorites! The Gift and Empathy; both are so important to raising a happy, healthy and responsible young man.
Golden Gift
5.) We all have a gift, it’s what makes us unique and different; your son needs to know what gifts he was born with. He needs to know his Golden Gift.
Many times, I see young men that are depressed, insecure, and frankly unsure of “who” they really are. They feel no matter what they do it isn’t good enough. They are constantly trying to live up to a parent(s) expectations by being what their parent(s) wants them to be.
Ask yourself, are you that parent? (more…)
Three and 4 of 9 Reasons ALL Boys Need a Rite-of-Passage
Last week I expanded on what it means when a boy begins to transition to a man and the importance of goal setting. This week I give more detail on both anger and conflict. During adolescence a boy begins to self regulate anger and he learns how to resolve conflict. Teaching, guidance and support is critical.
Anger-One of the “Big 4”
3.) He’s angry. Anger is a common emotion (mostly due to the hormone testosterone which can cause aggression) for boys 11-18 years of age. Feeling angry isn’t a bad thing, it’s how he’s taught to release it that makes the difference. Simply telling a boy “don’t be angry” is not effective or an option; “don’t be” messages indicate he’s broken.
First 2 of 9 Reasons ALL Boys Need a Rite-of-Passage
When I wrote the 9 Reasons ALL Boys Need a Modern-Day Rite-of-Passage there was a surge in interest! That tells me parents of boys are waking up to the critical needs of their sons. They’re asking themselves-“What’s missing?” Over the next few weeks, I’ll take those Top 9 Reasons and break them down and expand on each one.
Together, let’s turn this ship around and recognize the importance of a Modern-Day Rite-of-Passage! (more…)
9 Reasons ALL Boys Need A Modern-Day Rite-of-Passage
Rite-of-passage for males is a transition, and in its simplest terms means “changing from a boy to a man.” Sounds easy right? It’s not!
It’s unfortunate that today in our society we have forgotten and moved away from recognizing and honoring this time in a young man’s life. The result is Our Boys are in Trouble!
If you read my blog The Quest Project-An Overview and book “Saving Our Sons”-A Parent’s Guide to Preparing Boys for Success, I detail the elements of a Modern-Day Rite-of-Passage which is what I facilitate in The Quest Project®. Boys today are not being lead in a healthy way with a seasoned elder or wise mentor through this process. As a result, they and their parents are suffering. (more…)
Parenting Tip: 5 Signs of Peer Pressure
I find one of the issues I deal with on a regular basis in my practice is this one: Peer Pressure!
Peer Pressure-Not to Be Underestimated
Peer pressure is something all kids are forced to deal with at some point. Commonly it happens at school and/or the neighborhood kids that get together to play. It’s how you teach your child to respond that is important.
For boys, which is my expertise, it can get messy very fast; if a boy doesn’t have dad around to guide him he’ll look to his buddies for, or as his example. Peer pressure can lead a boy down the wrong path quickly. The risk is they think proving they’re a man means doing crazy things like shoplifting, drinking, smoking or bullying to name a few. The goal is to show they’re brave! They can be drawn to gangs, or to the boy who has the least amount of supervision at home to “hang out.” (more…)
A Society of Absent Fathers
We’re all entitled to an opinion, right? Do you remember Andy Rooney, he used to give his straight forward and sometimes controversial opinion at the end of 60 Minutes? I’d like to share mine and it has to do with this, the effect the absent father is having on society.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
I’ve not been shy about writing and sharing stories about my father and the effect his alcoholism and abuse had on our family. There is however one thing he taught me as a young boy that’s missing today-RESPECT! He took pride in his well-behaved, polite, respectful children. (more…)
