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Posted by on May 30, 2017 in Parenting Tips, Saving Our Sons, Tips for Moms | 0 comments

Is My Son Smoking Pot or Drinking? What to Do Next


Are you afraid your son is smoking pot, drinking or worse?

My Son Would Never Do That 

I hope you’re not deceiving yourself; drugs and alcohol are readily available EVERYWHERE!  He can escape his feelings by “numbing out” and find refuge by drinking or smoking pot.  And worse let’s not forget the huge opioid epidemic that’s sweeping the country. 

I have met hundreds of moms and dads who didn’t know their son was smoking pot, drinking or worse. 

Here is what I know-“If you think or have felt like he’s in trouble, he’s in trouble!”   

5 Questions to Ask Yourself

  1. Is my son experimenting with E-cigarettes(vaping) or cigarettes?
  2. Why is my son hanging out at an unsupervised friend’s house for hours? 
  3. Why does he get enraged when I walk in his room?  (by the way, it’s your house,  I promote respecting his space – but if you suspect something is wrong, you owe it to yourself and your son to follow your instincts.)   Moms have the best instincts!
  4. Is this really my son-what is going on?
  5. Why can’t I shake this feeling that something is wrong?

Could Your Son be Smoking Pot? Don’t Bury Your Head in The Sand

Get him drug tested if you suspect your son smoking pot or doing other drugs; if you smell alcohol on him or find evidence of alcohol get him in a treatment program or to a counselor ASAP!  Work together with your son to find the right program.

You can’t compete with smoking pot, other drugs or alcohol.  As a counselor, I can’t either.  If I am made aware of drug or alcohol usage my first step is to get them in treatment.  It’s only after that we can begin to work on the addiction and underlying issues.     

Don’t wait and don’t fantasize that it may go away or that you can help.  It will be painful for your family,  I assure you that if you want him to heal he needs to feel the pain of bad choices for some time. 

PARENTS:  Don’t forget about yourself!  I recommend you get counseling or coaching through the process.  You will need support too!  In my experience, this will provide the highest rate of success in this situation.


The fact of the matter and hard truth is this.  He needs to be held accountable for his bad choices, especially with drugs and alcohol.   Let me say it this way.  This is a time you teach him the difference between need versus want.  In order for him to learn accountability, he needs to get treatment; he will want to negotiate this and convince you he doesn’t!  It’s a critical time, if he’s not held accountable it will affect him the rest of his life.

You’ve heard about tough love, well this is the time for you to practice tough love.  Saving him from his feelings will only prolong his opportunity to heal.  I know that if you’re a Mom the desire to save him will be strong, almost overwhelming.  

You are saving him by getting him in a treatment program where he’ll learn and get education on what bad things happen with drug use.  After that, get him back to counseling for follow up.  Know that if you’ll follow this process you’re doing what’s best.

Are you concerned your son is experimenting with smoking pot, drugs or alcohol? Share your thoughts in the comments or on my Facebook page and  I’ll try to help you.

Clayton Lessor
Clayton Lessor, PhD in education and counseling, is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice. He is author of "Generation of Men: How to raise your son to be a healthy man among men" and “Saving Our Sons: A Parent's Guide to Preparing Boys for Success." Dr. Clay has seen over 2000 boys since 2000 and facilitated over 300 The Quest Project groups. Boys attend a 10-week "boys to men program" where they and their parents will learn the tools needed to get through these turbulent teen years. Dr. Clay is a member of the Steering Committee for The Coalition to Create a White House Council for Boys and Men.
Clayton Lessor
Clayton Lessor

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