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Posted by on Jun 13, 2017 in Parenting Tips, Saving Our Sons, The Quest Project | 0 comments

A Special Message For Fathers

Father's Message

Are you a healthy, responsible example for your adolescent son?

Message for Fathers: You Are a Gift

What a special opportunity a dad has in the life of his son.  I am reminded of the important role dad plays in the healthy development of their sons every day.  Sure I have research and data that can prove it, but the proof is in the thousands of boys that have gone through The Quest Project®.  The proof is hearing them talk about their dad and wishing “dad had more time for him.”

How many fathers realize that a boy will enter a stage of development known as “Identity-vs-Confusion” which starts at approximately 11 years of age (that can vary)?   Additionally, there is the “Zone of Proximal Development(ZPD),” basically without going into a deep academic dive, it is where he needs dad (or a healthy male mentor) to mentor him through these developmental stages.  WHY:  Because when you put these 2 together it becomes the most crucial stage of an adolescent boy’s life!

Don’t Let This Time Slip Away

There is a brief window of time that your son is vulnerable and most open to learning;  if missed it’s a lost opportunity that is hard to recover from!  If you read my blog The Best Dad you know I recommend Dad spend 3-5 hours a week one-on-one with their son, at a minimum

I encourage, and even implore you, Dad, to get plugged in!  Be present with your son, he needs you (even if he doesn’t act the way you want him to).

Being a father raising children and providing for your family is a big job and at times a heavy burden. You play a unique role and have a responsibility that must be taken seriously.  In my practice, I hear many reasons why dad feels he doesn’t have time to spend with his son.  Do these sound familiar?

  •  I work long hours.
  •  I’m divorced and feel shut out.
  •  My son doesn’t “act like” he wants to be with me.
  •  I simply don’t know how to or what’s expected.
  •  I’ll just leave it up to Mom.

You had a son who needs you – not so you would need him!”

Use this time to play golf, fish, cook, run, play video games, read, go to a movie, grab an ice cream, dinner, lunch – it doesn’t matter just do it togetherReminder:  That’s every week, 3-5 hours minimum

You Are Important

I want you to understand how important you are as a father!  In your busy life remember to spend time with your family, and yes specifically your son!  

I hope if you, like me, had a bad example of a father you will make it a goal to be a better dad – because you can! 

Need some help?  Check out my book “Saving Our Sons” A Parent’s Guide to Preparing Boys for Success, it has great tips and advice.  And my new book (in the works) specifically for fathers will be out soon!

Clayton Lessor
Clayton Lessor, PhD in education and counseling, is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice. He is author of "Generation of Men: How to raise your son to be a healthy man among men" and “Saving Our Sons: A Parent's Guide to Preparing Boys for Success." Dr. Clay has seen over 2000 boys since 2000 and facilitated over 300 The Quest Project groups. Boys attend a 10-week "boys to men program" where they and their parents will learn the tools needed to get through these turbulent teen years. Dr. Clay is a member of the Steering Committee for The Coalition to Create a White House Council for Boys and Men.
Clayton Lessor
Clayton Lessor

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