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Posted by on Jun 15, 2016 in The Quest Project | 0 comments

Happy Father’s Day

Happy Father's Day - Clayton Lessor - Saving Our Sons

Being a father is a special honor; Happy Father’s Day to all Dad’s!

Dad’s Are a Gift

What a special opportunity a dad has in the life of his son.  As I was completing some of my research recently on this very subject,  I was reminded of the important role dad plays in the healthy development of their sons.

Let me explain:

I contemplated how many fathers realize that a boy will enter a stage of development known as “Identity-vs-Confusion” which starts at approximately 11 years of age (that can vary).  In addition there is this “Zone of Proximal Development(ZPD),” and basically without going into a deep academic dive, it is where he needs dad (or a healthy male mentor) to mentor him through these most critical developmental stages.

Why? You Might Ask

It’s a brief window of time that he is vulnerable and most open to learn, and if missed it’s a lost opportunity that is hard to recover from!  If you read my blog The Best Dad you know I recommend Dad spends 3-5 hours a week one-on-one with their sons – minimum.  I encourage, and even implore dad to get plugged in, be present with your son, he needs you (even if he doesn’t act the way you want him to).

If you’re a father you have a big job and at times a heavy burden raising your children. You play a unique role and have a responsibility that must be taken seriously.  In my practice I hear all sorts of reasons from dads why they feel they don’t have time to spend with their son. 

  • They are working long hours.
  • They are divorced and feel shut out.
  • Their son doesn’t “act like” he wants to be with him.
  • They simply don’t know how to or what’s expected.
  • They leave it up to Mom.

So on this special day where all fathers are being honored and recognized, my hope is that you are not one of those dads!  I ask that you think about this:  “You had a son who needs you – not so you would need him!”

Use this time to play golf, fish, cook, run, play video games, read, go to a movie, grab an ice cream, dinner, lunch – it doesn’t matter just do it together!

I Salute You Dad!

I hope you understand how important you are as a father!  I hope in your busy life you remember to spend time with your family, and yes specifically your son!  I hope if you, like me, had a bad example of a father will make it a goal to be a better dad – because you can. 

Allow your son the opportunity to honor his Dad even if it is awkward, you are teaching him the process of HONOR!  It’s a lesson that may come in handy in your sons life.  As he matures he will reflect and grow from the experience.

Need some help?  Check out my forthcoming book “Saving Our Sons” A Parent’s Guide to Preparing Boys for Success, it has some great tips and advice. And once again, Happy Father’s Day!

Get Your Free Chapter of Saving Our Sons by Clayton Lessor

Clayton Lessor
Clayton Lessor, PhD in education and counseling, is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice. He is author of "Generation of Men: How to raise your son to be a healthy man among men" and “Saving Our Sons: A Parent's Guide to Preparing Boys for Success." Dr. Clay has seen over 2000 boys since 2000 and facilitated over 300 The Quest Project groups. Boys attend a 10-week "boys to men program" where they and their parents will learn the tools needed to get through these turbulent teen years. Dr. Clay is a member of the Steering Committee for The Coalition to Create a White House Council for Boys and Men.
Clayton Lessor
Clayton Lessor

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