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Posted by on Oct 30, 2018 in ADD & ADHD, Boys at School, From Boy to Man, Parenting Tips, Saving Our Sons, The Quest Project, Tips for Moms | 0 comments

The Father-Son Relationship

Every now and then in my program, The Quest Project, a boy will say something that makes what I do the best job in the world!

Likely if you read my newsletters you know I talk a lot about the Industrial Revolution and how it drastically changed families.  Particularly the relationships between father and son.

Father and Son

The father has always been responsible to show (model) their sons what it takes to be a man.  I’m not referring to how to kill a bear or dress a deer I’m talking years ago they would till and plant crops, they shoed the horse’s side by side, repaired a hole in the barn door.  Dad used chores to teach his son.  It provided a  rite-of-passage to becoming a man; and they did it by just being present with their sons. 

The Industrial Revolution changed everything. Dad went to work in mills, factories, and offices to survive and support his family.  He put in long hours and in many cases didn’t get home in time to see the kids before bedtime.

Past to Present

Fast forward to today, now each next generation of dads has gotten further away from those early rite-of-passage teachings with their son.

There’s been lots of research and data provided that tells us on average, father and son spend about 10 minutes a week together.  That’s not enough!

At a minimum father and son should spend 3-5 hours a week, together one-on-one; being present with each other. 

Best Job in the World

So back to how I started this.  I said every once in a while a boy will say something that makes what I do the best job in the world.  Here’s why I said that!

At the start of a group the young men “check-in” with how their week went.  Most times they say they don’t like school, or they are tired, or it was fine!  They “check-out” at the end and this time one of the boys said this, “I’m getting closer to my dad!”

In my business that’s a beautiful thing!  This father and son have started going to breakfast every Sunday together, just the two of them.  They experiment going to different diners and trying different food.  It’s their “thing.”

When a young man grins from ear to ear because he feels like he and his dad are getting closer, well I sleep better at night and I walk with a spring in my step because that’s why I do what I do!  I want every boy and his dad to get closer!

I’m so passionate about it I’ve written my second book for exactly this reason!  You can expect to see the book out early 2019!  Do you know a father and son that need a little help; would you like to know how to support their Quest?  Stay tuned for updates! 


Clayton Lessor
Clayton Lessor, PhD in education and counseling, is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice. He is author of "Generation of Men: How to raise your son to be a healthy man among men" and “Saving Our Sons: A Parent's Guide to Preparing Boys for Success." Dr. Clay has seen over 2000 boys since 2000 and facilitated over 300 The Quest Project groups. Boys attend a 10-week "boys to men program" where they and their parents will learn the tools needed to get through these turbulent teen years. Dr. Clay is a member of the Steering Committee for The Coalition to Create a White House Council for Boys and Men.
Clayton Lessor
Clayton Lessor

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