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The Quest Project-For Dad!
Dad, Welcome to The Quest Project®
My recent inspiration for writing book #2 came from a very welcome change I am seeing in my practice, let me share more.
Change Is Very Good
Over the last 20 years, I have seen over 2000 boys go through The Quest Project®. What’s changed? In the past, the majority of the young men that came in were accompanied by mom. Mom would attend the parent sessions, mom would make sure her son got to group on time and made sure he was picked up on time! I’m pleased to see a shift recently, more often Dad is participating! Dad is bringing his son in and participating in the work.
Fathers are beginning to understand how important they are to their sons. They are realizing how important they are in their son’s development. They want to make changes and be better fathers. They are looking for what’s missing and eager to be a healthy role model for their son. It has not only inspired my second book, it has inspired another very exciting path for The Quest Project®. (more…)
Is Your Son Being Bullied? 10 Signs To Watch For
Bullied: Online & Offline
Today we not only deal with the “bully on the playground,” we must watch out for the ones that lurk on social media! Bullies can have a devastating effect on your child.
What Parent’s Can Do
As a parent, the best way to make sure your child doesn’t become a victim of bullying is to build self-confidence with positive reinforcement. That’s not always an easy task and it requires your diligence in using positive messages. Bullies have a way of quickly honing in on a “weaker person.”
If your child is sensitive or is dealing with some difficult issues in their life; bullies seek out this type of victim. Sadly I see far too many boys in my practice who are dealing with a bully. (more…)
The Adolescent Boy “Cookbook”
During an interview recently I made a comment that I’ve replayed in my head! “Wouldn’t it be great if there was a recipe to follow for every situation you’ll face with your adolescent son?”
Just Add Water
When I was in my twenties my mom gave me a cookbook “The Encyclopedia of Creative Cooking.” I have referred to that book a million times. When I needed to know what to do with beef, pork, fish or chicken all I had to do was look up the ingredients for a great meal! It had recipes for the beginner and for the advanced cook. Where am I going with this? Let’s think about it in terms of raising your son.
Basic Ingredients
For most recipes you need to have the basics on hand; there are no substitutes or replacements for these. The basic ingredients that you need to have on hand from birth to 11 years of age are these:
- love
- food
- water
- shelter
- clothes
Using these basic ingredients (in every recipe) is easy enough. The measurements are exact each time, and as long as you stay consistent your end product will be good! (more…)
Parenting Tip: Kids Feelings and How to Manage
Kids feelings: Mad, sad, glad, and afraid-I often refer to these as The Big Four! Processing feelings is healthy, I recommend it highly. Here’s why:
Kids Feelings: Mad Happens
Let’s start here, this is the feeling that scares everyone. I’m always amazed at the number of people that think being mad and/or angry is always negative. Did you know that if you don’t allow yourself or your child to feel this feeling it can lead to depression? It’s how you handle or behave while being angry that is important. (more…)
Raising Sons: Giving Boys What They Need
I was honored when Aisha Sultan, home and family editor of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch recently wrote an article about my journey, and how it led to my life’s work.
Raising Sons: In Case You Missed It
The article is titled “Giving boys what they need when fathers are absent” and appropriately published on Fathers Day. I heard from many fathers, young and old telling me how the article touched them. Some are raising sons today. Some are hoping to heal the wounds of their past relationship with their father.
I’ve shared my story many times; however, I don’t think it could have been “summed up” any better than Aisha did in her article. (more…)
The Quest Project: Before and After
I have shared much about The Quest Project®; how it works and the processes it covers with adolescent boys. I’d like to show you the results my program has on specific behaviors. I’ll also share comments at the end from participants!
The Behavioral Evaluation Scale (BES)
What is this and why do you care? If you or someone you know is interested in The Quest Project® this data is proof of the program’s success.
I have parents complete a “Behavioral Evaluation Scale” (BES-3) on their son before the program begins, and again after completion of the program. I do this in order to measure the young man’s progress in the following.
- Learning Problems
- Interpersonal Difficulties
- Inappropriate Behavior
- Unhappiness/Depression
- Physical Symptoms/Fears
Both the participant and parent are surveyed to gather feedback on the program itself. (more…)
Raising Sons? Helping Solve the Mystery
Cracking the code! Solving the mystery! How would you like to know what your adolescent boy is missing as you witness him changing from a boy to a man?
He Needs a “Modern Day Rite of Passage”
I’m often asked what is a “rite of passage?” It’s a term that most people equate with times past. We have forgotten the importance of a rite of passage with our boys. Your son knows something is missing, he doesn’t know what “it” is, so he acts out and searches for relief by doing “it” himself or alone.
What’s the “it” mystery? He needs a rite of passage which in simple terms means “a process of changing from a boy to a man.” Sounds easy enough right? It should be, but as a society, we have gotten away from and forgotten how to honor or recognize this time in an adolescent boy’s life.
“If-” An Inspiration
I’ve shared this poem by Rudyard Kipling, originally published in 1910 with you before. It’s not only one of my favorites; it is worthy of sharing again as I believe “If-” says it all!
“If-“
If you can keep your head when all about you;
are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
but make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated don’t give way to hating,
and yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise: (more…)
A Special Message For Fathers
Are you a healthy, responsible example for your adolescent son?
Message for Fathers: You Are a Gift
What a special opportunity a dad has in the life of his son. I am reminded of the important role dad plays in the healthy development of their sons every day. Sure I have research and data that can prove it, but the proof is in the thousands of boys that have gone through The Quest Project®. The proof is hearing them talk about their dad and wishing “dad had more time for him.”
How many fathers realize that a boy will enter a stage of development known as “Identity-vs-Confusion” which starts at approximately 11 years of age (that can vary)? Additionally, there is the “Zone of Proximal Development(ZPD),” basically without going into a deep academic dive, it is where he needs dad (or a healthy male mentor) to mentor him through these developmental stages. WHY: Because when you put these 2 together it becomes the most crucial stage of an adolescent boy’s life! (more…)
Parenting Tip: Is Your Son Grieving?
Is Your Son Grieving a Loss?
There are many definitions of grief, the one I like best is by The Grief Recovery Institute:
“Grief is the normal and natural emotional reaction to loss or change of any kind. Of itself, grief is neither a pathological condition nor a personality disorder. Grief is the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.”
The death of a loved one is only ONE of the many reasons we grieve. Is your son grieving the loss of a good friend? A break up with his girlfriend? Did the family pet die? If there has been a divorce, he may be grieving a parent.
Grief is part of life, an emotion to recognize, embrace and work through. Keep in mind we all grieve differently, some wear their emotions on their sleeve and others internally. There is not a right or wrong way to grieve. With adolescent boys, they are more likely to keep their feelings buried deep inside. That is not only unhealthy but delays the grieving process and can lead to self-medicating or avoidance. (more…)
