Blog
Parenting Boys? The 5 Signs of Trouble
Don’t ignore the warning signs, you may think your son is just going through a phase, but that’s not always the case. Your son could be in trouble. It may be typical angst; here’s the difference.
Over the past 20 years I have helped countless troubled teens make the transition from boyhood to adult life with my program, The Quest Project.
The Warning Signs
Boys are having a hard time growing up these days. Adolescent boys are in crisis and are falling far behind their female counterparts in school and in life. They are failing to learn the lessons they need to survive and thrive in the adult world. (more…)
The Quest Project-For Men
I facilitated my first The Quest Project® back in 2000. I never imagined back then that today I’d be facilitating that same program (modified for adults) to a group of men.
I have discovered The Quest Project is as meaningful to men as it is to the adolescent boys. As an example, imagine a group of six men ages 19 yrs.-64 yrs. of age coming together over a 10-week period to work through issues they feel have prevented them from being the men they want to be!
The Quest Project®-For Men
What better way for an adult male just starting out, father, brother, husband, son or uncle to understand and work on being a responsible healthy man. In some cases, I have Dad in the men’s group and son in the boy’s group-that’s compelling! (more…)
Raising Boys? Helpful Tips On Identity
Do you know what it means to be your “authentic self?” Do you know your son’s unique “gift?”
The Gift!
Many times, I see young men that are depressed, insecure, and frankly unsure of “who” they really are. They feel no matter what they do it isn’t good enough. They are constantly trying to live up to a parent(s) expectations by being what their parent(s) wants them to be. Ask yourself, are you that parent?
One process we work through in The Quest Project® is identifying the “gift.” It’s what makes us special and unique. I’ve witnessed many young men work hard and make great progress in their search to identify their “authentic self,” which begins by knowing our gift! (more…)
Parenting Teens? Heroin Spares No One
The stories are disturbing; teens addicted to and dying from heroin. It’s happening right under our nose, in our own backyard, rich and poor communities. It is pervasive, from schools to homes to the streets and parks.
The numbers are staggering. But they don’t show the complete picture.
“My Son Wouldn’t Do Drugs”
That’s the most common response I hear! Parents assume their teenager is or could be experimenting with alcohol or pot. They never imagine, in fact, it’s HEROIN or now the latest killer FENTANYL which is even stronger. Just like them I never imagined the time would come when we would say at least it’s “only alcohol or pot.”
I am an advocate for children so this message is straightforward. (more…)
Walking Tall-A Personal Journey
The Journey of a Thousand Miles
Please allow me to share my excitement and experience. I just walked for my PhD! An accomplishment that I’ve been working toward my entire life. Obstacles were abundant, but when you set a goal you just keep going until you achieve it. I did it and it feels amazing! I am officially a doctor; more specifically a Doctor of Philosophy in Education!
What I mean by “the journey of a thousand miles;” it’s researching, gathering data and writing a dissertation. My dissertation is titled “The Difference of a Ten Week Counselor Facilitated Adolescent Boys Group on Behavior.” Its theory comes from the work I do with boys in The Quest Project®, a mission I’ve devoted my life to.
This advanced research will be presented to the academic world with the reasons boys are struggling during adolescence and support what boys need.
I’ll be honest, there were moments when I wished a University had awarded me an “honorary doctorate” because I could have added years to my life! But that’s not who I am. (more…)
An Unexpected Blessing
I admit I like to share a good story! This is one that warmed my heart.
For most of us going to the grocery store is a necessity We’re out of milk or need something for dinner! In other words, we don’t do it for fun! This week I witnessed something truly awesome while standing in line to check out.
A Blessing Right Before My Eyes
The “bagger,” I’ll call him “Joe,” is a middle aged man and Joe was bagging groceries for the customer in front of me. It was a Mom and son and I’m guessing the boy was 11 or 12 years old. I listened in as Joe began making conversation with the boy.
Joe asked him if he’d started school yet. The boy replied, “no but his first day is tomorrow.” Joe said, “I bet you’re excited to get back to school, and I bet you’re good in school!” The boy nodded yes with a smile. Joe kept it going and asked, “Do you play sports, you look like a sports guy.” Again with a smile, the boy said yes that he liked lots of sports. Joe responds “I bet you’re great at sports, you stay with it maybe you’ll get a scholarship someday!” Imagine the big smile this boy had!
As they walked away Joe said this “you do good, my man, you’re a fine young man!” (more…)
Raising Sons? Discipline vs Punishment
Discipline or Punishment?
What’s the difference you ask! There’s a big difference between discipline and punishment.
Punishment.
So your son has broken the rules; he’s been caught drinking or smoking, maybe a bad report card? You have to do “something,” he’ll have to be punished. The way to stop a child from misbehaving is to cause some kind of pain right? This usually means “grounding” a boy or taking away privileges like cell phones, video games, and other toys.
And guess what? That doesn’t work!
Punishment doesn’t work because it isn’t about your boy. It’s about instant gratification for you. You feel bad and want to convey your disappointment. You make him feel bad; you feel your job is done. He doesn’t learn anything from this experience. What he learns is fear he can get caught, and that’s not a lesson. It can actually make the behavior worse, pushing it underground and teaching him to become a better liar, sneaker, or just better at finding ways to not get caught.
So, if punishment doesn’t work and you’re not supposed to ignore bad behavior, what option is left? (more…)
The Quest Project-For Dad!
Dad, Welcome to The Quest Project®
My recent inspiration for writing book #2 came from a very welcome change I am seeing in my practice, let me share more.
Change Is Very Good
Over the last 20 years, I have seen over 2000 boys go through The Quest Project®. What’s changed? In the past, the majority of the young men that came in were accompanied by mom. Mom would attend the parent sessions, mom would make sure her son got to group on time and made sure he was picked up on time! I’m pleased to see a shift recently, more often Dad is participating! Dad is bringing his son in and participating in the work.
Fathers are beginning to understand how important they are to their sons. They are realizing how important they are in their son’s development. They want to make changes and be better fathers. They are looking for what’s missing and eager to be a healthy role model for their son. It has not only inspired my second book, it has inspired another very exciting path for The Quest Project®. (more…)
Is Your Son Being Bullied? 10 Signs To Watch For
Bullied: Online & Offline
Today we not only deal with the “bully on the playground,” we must watch out for the ones that lurk on social media! Bullies can have a devastating effect on your child.
What Parent’s Can Do
As a parent, the best way to make sure your child doesn’t become a victim of bullying is to build self-confidence with positive reinforcement. That’s not always an easy task and it requires your diligence in using positive messages. Bullies have a way of quickly honing in on a “weaker person.”
If your child is sensitive or is dealing with some difficult issues in their life; bullies seek out this type of victim. Sadly I see far too many boys in my practice who are dealing with a bully. (more…)
The Adolescent Boy “Cookbook”
During an interview recently I made a comment that I’ve replayed in my head! “Wouldn’t it be great if there was a recipe to follow for every situation you’ll face with your adolescent son?”
Just Add Water
When I was in my twenties my mom gave me a cookbook “The Encyclopedia of Creative Cooking.” I have referred to that book a million times. When I needed to know what to do with beef, pork, fish or chicken all I had to do was look up the ingredients for a great meal! It had recipes for the beginner and for the advanced cook. Where am I going with this? Let’s think about it in terms of raising your son.
Basic Ingredients
For most recipes you need to have the basics on hand; there are no substitutes or replacements for these. The basic ingredients that you need to have on hand from birth to 11 years of age are these:
- love
- food
- water
- shelter
- clothes
Using these basic ingredients (in every recipe) is easy enough. The measurements are exact each time, and as long as you stay consistent your end product will be good! (more…)
