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Posted by on Jan 10, 2017 in From Boy to Man, Parenting Tips, Saving Our Sons, The Quest Project, Tips for Moms | 0 comments

Raising a Son: The 5 Things No One Ever Told You About


Raising a son can be difficult, especially if you’re a mom “going it alone.”  There is a time in your son’s life that having a healthy male role model is imperative- and that time is when he is transitioning from a boy to a man.

Suddenly, during this time your son acts like he can’t stand to be around you; he acts like he hates your guts.  You find yourself saying something like “where did my sweet little boy go?”  Don’t give up, this is a critical time when raising a son and he needs you.

Raising a Son: The Transition from Boy to Man

When a boy transitions from boyhood to manhood he feels he must break away from his mother and learn to stand on his own two feet.  He begins to look for answers to the question, “Who is the man I’m going to become?”  He needs a male role model around to help him figure this out.

Mom: your adolescent son who was terrified to leave your side is being drawn to the new world of men.  It’s the biggest challenge a boy faces: separating from his mother.  You’ve taken care of him and made darn sure he felt loved, even when he didn’t want it.  Down deep he doesn’t want to let you go either, but he needs to, he’s transitioning.

Dad: your adolescent son needs you now more than ever.  You have suddenly become the most important person in his life.  He is curious about and observing everything you do, and how (even in osmosis) you do it.   It’s your turn to “take the reins!”

Raising a Son: The 5 Things He Needs 

First, he really needs is a healthy male role model to mentor him.  If dad is active in his life that’s great, if not a good friend or relative can help teach him the things he needs to know. 

These 5 things will give him a great start:

  • He needs about 3-5 hours a week minimum – one on one. 
  • Ask him what he wants/likes to do.
  • Tell him what you want/like to do (compromise leaning toward what you know your son wants!). 
  • Tell stories about lessons you’ve learned – paint the picture – be vulnerable.
  • DON’T talk at him (sitting face to face); instead talk while doing something-shoulder to shoulder, side by side!

Did anyone ever tell you how important these five things are?  I have done the research to support it.  I have made it my mission to help parents raise healthy, successful boys. If you can incorporate these, you’ll be on the right track to give your son what he needs.

Please take a minute and share your experiences in the comments below, about your son and the effects it’s had on him of having – or not having – a male role model in his life.

Clayton Lessor
Clayton Lessor, PhD in education and counseling, is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice. He is author of "Generation of Men: How to raise your son to be a healthy man among men" and “Saving Our Sons: A Parent's Guide to Preparing Boys for Success." Dr. Clay has seen over 2000 boys since 2000 and facilitated over 300 The Quest Project groups. Boys attend a 10-week "boys to men program" where they and their parents will learn the tools needed to get through these turbulent teen years. Dr. Clay is a member of the Steering Committee for The Coalition to Create a White House Council for Boys and Men.
Clayton Lessor
Clayton Lessor

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