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Posted by on Oct 28, 2015 in Boys at School | 0 comments

Peer Pressure – My Son is Acting Out, What Should I Do?

peer-pressure-quest-project-clayton-lessor

Peer pressure by definition is “social pressure by members of one’s peer group to take a certain action, adopt certain values, or otherwise conform in order to be accepted.”

The Importance Of Adolescence

One of the most critical times in a young boys life is adolescence.  If you’ve been following me,  you have heard me say how important it is for your son to have a healthy male role model in his life.  Important may be an understatement, it’s imperative!

The transition from boyhood to manhood is innate and it’s important that you are aware and ready to respond.  A boy will “break away” from his mom; he wants to stand on his own two feet.  He begins to think about “the man he wants to become” and looks at who around him he wants to be like. What does manhood mean?  If dad is present, he is the first best example for his son.

Don’t Underestimate Peer Pressure

Peer pressure is something all teens are forced to deal with at some point.  It’s how they respond that is important.  For boys this is where it can get messy; if dad isn’t around to guide him he’ll look to his buddies for an example. Peer pressure can lead a boy down the wrong path.  The risk for boys is that they think proving they’re a man means taking crazy risks to show their bravery.  They can be drawn to negative groups like gangs, or to the boy who has the least amount of supervision at home to “hang out” with.

Some signs to watch out for:

  • change in behavior – more isolated
  • change in sleep habits – sleeps less
  • change in appetite – eating less
  • mood swings – dramatic/traumatic
  • doesn’t want to talk or be with family – some of this behavior is common in adolescents

What You Can Do

Before this happens to you and your son, here are some basic suggestions that can help him get through this critical time:

  • diligently encourage dad to spend at least 3-5 hours a week with his son (if dad isn’t present, seek out a healthy male role model – uncle, stepfather, grandpa, friend – who can commit to time with the boy)
  • give positive feedback and encouragement which helps build self-esteem (helps avoid bad choices)
  • use good communication (conflict resolution skills)
  • talk about ways to say no (give him examples of how you handled peer pressure)

Sports are a great environment for boys, as well school clubs (chess, art, debate and Jr. ROTC) they provide activity and a sense of pride.  Boy Scouts, religious and community activities are also great ways to engage with your son and give him a sense of mission.  Remember boys are visual and physical!  Your goal here should be to surround him with good positive support by making sure he is in an environment that provides him an example.

Peer pressure is alive and well and requires your attention.  How does your son act out? Post your questions or comments below or on my Facebook page.

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Clayton Lessor
Clayton Lessor, PhD in education and counseling, is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice. He is author of “Saving Our Sons: A Parent's Guide to Preparing Boys for Success." Clay has seen over 2000 boys since 2000 and facilitated over 300 Quest Project groups. Boys attend a 10-week "boys to men program" where they and their parents will learn the tools needed to get through these turbulent teen years.
Clayton Lessor
Clayton Lessor

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