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Posted by on Jun 27, 2017 in From Boy to Man, Saving Our Sons, The Quest Project | 0 comments

Raising Sons? Helping Solve the Mystery

Cracking the code!  Solving the mystery!  How would you like to know what your adolescent boy is missing as you witness him changing from a boy to a man? 

He Needs a “Modern Day Rite of Passage”

I’m often asked what is a “rite of passage?”  It’s a term that most people equate with times past.  We have forgotten the importance of a rite of passage with our boys.  Your son knows something is missing, he doesn’t know what “it” is, so he acts out and searches for relief by doing “it” himself or alone.

What’s the “it” mystery?  He needs a rite of passage which in simple terms means “a process of changing from a boy to a man.”  Sounds easy enough right?  It should be, but as a society, we have gotten away from and forgotten how to honor or recognize this time in an adolescent boy’s life.

If you read my blog The Quest Project-An Overview I detail the elements of a “Modern Day Rite Of Passage” which is what I’m talking about here.  Chances are your son is not being led in a healthy way by his father,  an elder or wise mentor through this process; he is suffering as a result.

Rite of Passage: Be His Guide

I do this work in my program The Quest Project, and it is my mission to continue.  But I also challenge parents to recognize and work with their son to guide him through this process. 

  • As a parent you have the best possibility to be the perfect mentor, so be a healthy and responsible mentor for your boy. 
  • Have you set goals in your life?  Have you considered how important it is to help your son set goals?
  • You’ve heard me say over and over that anger isn’t a bad thing, it’s how you release the anger that makes the difference.  Teach your son how to release anger by being the example. 
  • Conflict is a part of life; teach your son how to resolve conflict in a healthy way.  I offer a free tool Download Here
  • We all have a gift, it’s what makes us unique and different; does your son know what gift he was born with? 
  • What about relationships and what it means to be in a relationship and love someone?  Does he know the definition of love; that love is not a feeling and feeling “in love” is infatuation.
  • What are your values?  Does he understand the value system and how important it is in their life?
  • These are all very important to your son and in my experience, he’s not going to ask you how to get through these steps.  If you don’t teach them he’ll look to someone else or worse “try to figure it out” on his own with peers.

Rite of Passage: Reward His Effort

Reward and recognize the progress and process with either a gift or time that acknowledges the changing from a boy to a man.  Let him know you notice the change and that you’re very proud of him.

A Modern Day Rite of Passage done in the right way, led by a healthy example will help your son transition through the next phase of his life with less confusion and turbulence.

I encourage you to pick up my book “Saving Our Sons-A Parents Guide to Preparing Boys for Success”   if you’d like more detailed instruction.  Regardless, get started and don’t forget the importance of leading your son through a “Modern Day Healthy Rite Of Passage.”

Do you know the importance of rite of passage?

Clayton Lessor
Clayton Lessor, PhD in education and counseling, is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice. He is author of “Saving Our Sons: A Parent's Guide to Preparing Boys for Success." Clay has seen over 2000 boys since 2000 and facilitated over 300 Quest Project groups. Boys attend a 10-week "boys to men program" where they and their parents will learn the tools needed to get through these turbulent teen years.
Clayton Lessor

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