Peer Pressure and Healthy Male Mentor
As your adolescent boy grows and matures it is increasingly important that he has a strong relationship with dad; if dad is healthy and safe. If that is not the case, a healthy male mentor (grandpa, uncle, stepdad, coach).
You hear me say this often, I have dads tell me they’re doing the best they can (doing things “just like their dad did!”) and I believe that to be true. I also believe through my research I can tell you exactly how and when relationships between dads and their sons began to deteriorate. I’ll blog about this in detail in the next couple of weeks. And, BIG NEWS in even more detail in my new book in the works specifically for dads! (more…)
As a Licensed Professional Counselor(LPC), I see a fair number of clients with anxiety. Maybe they lost a job or their marriage is failing. Recently I am seeing adolescent boys on a regular basis struggling with anxiety.
What Is Anxiety?
In general, anxiety is a term used for nervousness, fear, apprehension and worry. Chronic anxiety can lead to, or be an obsessive-compulsive behavior. It can manifest itself by the looping of terrorizing words through a nervous or worried mind. Typically, but not always anxiety sets in when there is an uncertain outcome or an imminent event. So, if you’re asking yourself “what would a young boy, or my son have to feel anxious about” well, admittedly I thought the same thing. (more…)
Conflict Resolution: Conversation Examples
I chose two of the conflicts I see frequently between an adolescent boy and his parent.
Conflict Resolution Tool
- State the facts: Who, What, When and Where
- Make a judgment: A judgment is an “I think you or me statement” about self and about other person
- State feeling: The Big Four-mad, sad, glad or afraid (can be a combination of these)
- Say what you want: You want to be heard and what you want to be different
Parenting & Conflict
Conflict is a part of life. I know people who thoroughly enjoy conflict and others who avoid it at all costs. One of the cornerstones I cover with adolescent boys and their parents is “conflict resolution.” By utilizing my process the family is able to communicate more effectively and peacefully.
One of the biggest mistakes in a conflict is “you-ing” someone:
- “You did that wrong”
- “You act like a child”
- “You never do what I ask you to do”
- “You don’t think things through”
It is the quickest way to escalate a conflict; “you-ing” someone creates a confrontation. It feels like an attack when it’s approached this way versus using “I” statements. (more…)
Midwest Book Review Recommends “Saving Our Sons: A Parent’s Guide to Preparing Boys for Success” for Their Parenting Shelf
Getting reviews on work you’ve put your heart and soul into is so gratifying! Don’t we all love getting a thumbs up?
The Quest Project® continues to have one success after the next. One of this week’s highlights was being reviewed by Midwest Book Review.
Established in 1976, Midwest Book Review publishes monthly book review magazines specifically designed for community and academic librarians, booksellers, and the general reading public. MBR literally has thousands of books to consider, it is quite an honor to be selected for their Parenting Shelf.
A Look Behind the Scenes
One thing I have not shared is I’m a facilitator of The Quest Project®. I am in the “trenches” with the boys that come to see me. I do this work myself, I’m good at it. I know how to quickly uncover and get to the wound an adolescent boy carries. Since 2000 I have facilitated over 2000 adolescent boys in their growth and healing!
In recent discussions with several organizations that want to bring The Quest Project® to their city, they were amazed that “I” would be working with the boys. There was an assumption that I would send staff and oversee the work. Not the case! I don’t fly in and spend an hour doing a keynote speech to kick things off and leave the work to someone else, I do the work- it’s my mission! Someday I will have a protégé, in the meantime, I am the one to get this done. (more…)
With integrity, you have nothing to fear, since you have nothing to hide. With integrity, you will do the right thing, so you will have no guilt. Zig Ziglar
I came across this quote recently. I couldn’t get the word “integrity” off of my mind, I ultimately came across this Forbes’ article. It’s a great read, let me know what you think.
So, what does this have to do with parenting boys? EVERYTHING! (more…)
Would you like to know who I am and why I do this work?
A Sad Little Boy
My childhood in quiet suburban South City was anything but quiet. I lived in fear of my dad. I spent most of my time at school tired and scared because I’d been awake most of the night before scared to death. So many times, I wished that someone (a teacher, neighbor, pastor, family member) would notice or help, but no one did so I had to learn to handle my circumstances to survive. (more…)
When parenting boys, most parents can’t believe their son is troubled. What in the world does he have to be troubled about?
It’s interesting the word troubled can be perceived differently to each of us. An example of two extremes is: “being afraid to talk to a girl (mild),” to “committing a crime (severe).” When I say, every boy is troubled, the only question is to what degree or level. I frequently use this scale as a guide when parenting boys:
Raising a son can be difficult, especially if you’re a mom “going it alone.” There is a time in your son’s life that having a healthy male role model is imperative- and that time is when he is transitioning from a boy to a man.
Suddenly, during this time your son acts like he can’t stand to be around you; he acts like he hates your guts. You find yourself saying something like “where did my sweet little boy go?” Don’t give up, this is a critical time when raising a son and he needs you. (more…)