In last week’s blog I covered “the gift” and “empathy.” One of my favorite moments when I’m working with young men is the moment they “lay claim” to their “gift!” The sense of empowerment allows them to embrace life and be more confident. It sets a perfect stage to move on to 7 & 8 (relationships and a value system) of the 9 reasons all boys need a modern-day rite-of-passage.
7.) Young men are curious about relationships and what it means to be in a relationship. To love and be in-love with someone, and the difference between the two.
Obviously the first step in this conversation is to be sure it’s age appropriate. The younger boys age 11-13 are still not sure they want any part of a relationship, and that’s okay. Be assured they are looking, watching and observing from every angle (home, T.V., social media and YouTube)! (more…)
This week a couple of my favorites! The Gift and Empathy; both are so important to raising a happy, healthy and responsible young man.
5.) We all have a gift, it’s what makes us unique and different; your son needs to know what gifts he was born with. He needs to know his Golden Gift.
Many times, I see young men that are depressed, insecure, and frankly unsure of “who” they really are. They feel no matter what they do it isn’t good enough. They are constantly trying to live up to a parent(s) expectations by being what their parent(s) wants them to be.
Ask yourself, are you that parent? (more…)
Last week I expanded on what it means when a boy begins to transition to a man and the importance of goal setting. This week I give more detail on both anger and conflict. During adolescence a boy begins to self regulate anger and he learns how to resolve conflict. Teaching, guidance and support is critical.
Anger-One of the “Big 4”
3.) He’s angry. Anger is a common emotion (mostly due to the hormone testosterone which can cause aggression) for boys 11-18 years of age. Feeling angry isn’t a bad thing, it’s how he’s taught to release it that makes the difference. Simply telling a boy “don’t be angry” is not effective or an option; “don’t be” messages indicate he’s broken.
When I wrote the 9 Reasons ALL Boys Need a Modern-Day Rite-of-Passage there was a surge in interest! That tells me parents of boys are waking up to the critical needs of their sons. They’re asking themselves-“What’s missing?” Over the next few weeks, I’ll take those Top 9 Reasons and break them down and expand on each one.
Together, let’s turn this ship around and recognize the importance of a Modern-Day Rite-of-Passage! (more…)
Rite-of-passage for males is a transition, and in its simplest terms means “changing from a boy to a man.” Sounds easy right? It’s not!
It’s unfortunate that today in our society we have forgotten and moved away from recognizing and honoring this time in a young man’s life. The result is Our Boys are in Trouble!
If you read my blog The Quest Project-An Overview and book “Saving Our Sons”-A Parent’s Guide to Preparing Boys for Success, I detail the elements of a Modern-Day Rite-of-Passage which is what I facilitate in The Quest Project®. Boys today are not being lead in a healthy way with a seasoned elder or wise mentor through this process. As a result, they and their parents are suffering. (more…)
I find one of the issues I deal with on a regular basis in my practice is this one: Peer Pressure!
Peer Pressure-Not to Be Underestimated
Peer pressure is something all kids are forced to deal with at some point. Commonly it happens at school and/or the neighborhood kids that get together to play. It’s how you teach your child to respond that is important.
For boys, which is my expertise, it can get messy very fast; if a boy doesn’t have dad around to guide him he’ll look to his buddies for, or as his example. Peer pressure can lead a boy down the wrong path quickly. The risk is they think proving they’re a man means doing crazy things like shoplifting, drinking, smoking or bullying to name a few. The goal is to show they’re brave! They can be drawn to gangs, or to the boy who has the least amount of supervision at home to “hang out.” (more…)
We’re all entitled to an opinion, right? Do you remember Andy Rooney, he used to give his straight forward and sometimes controversial opinion at the end of 60 Minutes? I’d like to share mine and it has to do with this, the effect the absent father is having on society.
I’ve not been shy about writing and sharing stories about my father and the effect his alcoholism and abuse had on our family. There is however one thing he taught me as a young boy that’s missing today-RESPECT! He took pride in his well-behaved, polite, respectful children. (more…)
When a parent makes the decision it’s time to get a professional opinion; when their son exhibits signs of trouble, it’s critical they be open to the feedback of the professional and keep an open mind!
Let me give an example. (more…)
Would you be surprised if I told you a story about seven young men, ages 11-16 working every Saturday in a garden?
Charity Patch is Born
Five years ago, my wife and I set out to “find” an initiative we could get behind that would allow us to give back to the community. Long story short, we started a non-profit called Charity Patch. We grow vegetables and donate them to the local food pantry so that their patrons have access to fresh produce.
It’s hard work but the payoff is huge; when you make a delivery and the families are so excited to see baskets of fresh veggies! (more…)
Can you spare a few minutes to listen to my recent interview with Tom Roten of The Tom Roten Morning Show? I think you’ll find it helpful; we cover many important topics.