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Posted by on Aug 28, 2018 in ADD & ADHD, Boys at School, From Boy to Man, Parenting Tips, Saving Our Sons, The Quest Project, Tips for Moms | 0 comments

9 Reasons ALL Boys Need A Modern-Day Rite-of-Passage

Rite-of-passage for males is a transition, and in its simplest terms means “changing from a boy to a man.”  Sounds easy right?  It’s not!

It’s unfortunate that today in our society we have forgotten and moved away from recognizing and honoring this time in a young man’s life.  The result is Our Boys are in Trouble!

If you read my blog The Quest Project-An Overview and book “Saving Our Sons”-A Parent’s Guide to Preparing Boys for Success, I detail the elements of a Modern-Day Rite-of-Passage which is what I facilitate in The Quest Project®.  Boys today are not being lead in a healthy way with a seasoned elder or wise mentor through this process. As a result, they and their parents are suffering.

ALL Boys Need a Rite-of-Passage

Here are the Top 9 reasons why:

  1. Boys begin to transition from boy to man approximately age eleven. They need a healthy, knowledgeable and responsible mentor, preferably dad, to help them navigate and transition to a responsible man. 
  2. Young men need goals in their life.  They have an innate desire to set goals which allows them to feel a sense of achievement.  Without a focus they drift.
  3. He’s angry. Anger is a common emotion (mostly due to the hormone testosterone which can cause aggression) for boys 11-18 years of age. Anger isn’t a bad thing, it’s how he’s taught to release it that makes the difference.  Simply telling a boy “don’t be angry” is not effective or an option; “don’t be” messages indicate he’s broken.
  4. Conflict is a part of life, in fact it’s the #1 issue in relationships.  Your son needs to know how to resolve a conflict in a healthy way and find resolution. 
  5. We all have a gift, it’s what makes us unique and different; your son needs to know what gifts he was born with.  He needs to know his Golden Gift.
  6. When boys learn empathy, they gain a better sense of their limitations and the limitations of others, and how to treat each other.
  7. Young men are curious about relationships and what it means to be in a relationship. To love and be in-love with someone, and the difference between the two.
  8. Boys need to know and understand the value system; they need to identify their core values and how important they are in their life.
  9. Equipped with his life mission gives him purpose every day as he journeys through life.

ALL Parent’s Need to Know “Why”

These are all very important to a boy. A modern-day rite-of-passage teaches him what to expect and how to deal with feelings as he transitions. If he isn’t taught, he’ll look to someone else or worse “try to figure it out” on his own or with his peers. 

A Modern-Day Rite-of-Passage done in the right way, led by a healthy, knowledgeable example will help him transition through the next phase of his life with less confusion and turbulence (without being medicated, or self-medicating!).

Haven’t read my book yet; it’ll provide you valuable detail and insight to what your son NEEDS!  You can get it today on Amazon!

Clayton Lessor
Clayton Lessor, PhD in education and counseling, is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice. He is author of “Saving Our Sons: A Parent's Guide to Preparing Boys for Success." Clay has seen over 2000 boys since 2000 and facilitated over 300 Quest Project groups. Boys attend a 10-week "boys to men program" where they and their parents will learn the tools needed to get through these turbulent teen years.
Clayton Lessor

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